A Woman on the Edge of Panic Desperately Floundering to Find Her Legs Before They Float Up into the Air to Join the Whirling Worries of Worthlessness and Grander Anxieties of Nothing Actually Mattering So Why…Just, Why: A Case Study

Alternately Titled: Grounding

6:30 Wakes up.

6:31 Searches mind for the feelings she fell asleep with. Runs through the usual questions: Did she drink last night? Should she be feeling guilty about anything? Is there a thing to be sad about?

6:40 Cracks her back while pooping. Notices the toilet needs cleaning. Cleans the toilet. Cleans the sink while she’s at it.

7:35 Queues up three podcasts: one unbiased news, one very biased news, one philosophical sermon to give her soul something to chew on.

7:38 Grinds coffee beans.

8:00 Pours medium-light roast from Chemex into the mug with the sculpted clay boobs.

8:05 Washes dishes. Breaks one glass, but not till the end when the other plates are out of the sink already, so only shitdamnits a little while collecting the shards. Rinses down basin. Notices the counter needs cleaning. Cleans the counter. Cleans the stovetop while she’s at it. Sweeps the floors, beats the rugs, bleaches the bathtub, vacuums the baseboards and couch cushions and under the beds and in the small cracks of the cat’s scratchpad, scoops the litterbox, dusts the wine shelf, launders the bedsheets, sorts the mail while she’s at it.

10:35 Showers. Scrubs the grounds, dust, dried leaves, pet hair, and sweat off her with the exfoliating cloth and peppermint Dr. Bronners. Shaves her legs while she’s at it.

11:10 Figures she’s clean and the bed is made and she made good time, so jerks off a couple times. Tries to use this as a meditation of sorts to try to abandon plans and be fully present but she has to snooze several alarms which kind of defeats the point.

11:50 Puts on the blue dress with the pockets. Checks her credit score.

12:02 Calls mom on the way to the grocery store. Calls grandparents while parking. Wonders if it’s weird to call her mom after jerking off. Ignores it.

12:30 Picks produce and meats. Checks items off a list. Adds impromptu items like figs and tea to the list so she can check them off instead of just putting them in the cart and saving an entire two steps but lets herself do it for consistency’s sake. Spends a considerable amount of time in the flower department.

14:15 Arranges various bouquets while listening to the soul podcast. Chops the produce and cooks the meats and stores them in sturdy glass containers. Finishes the last of the coffee in the boob mug.

16:00 Unintentionally spikes her caffeine and needs to move her body, and decides jerking off doesn’t count as real exercise, so takes a run. Changes soul podcast to the Aesop Rock album that makes her cry a little bit and then Lil Wayne to balance it out.

16:38 Cold shower. A few moments of tingling as the blood warms up in her skin that feel like maybe today was good and she did her best and the lists are done, and even if she didn’t do anything of import and really just sort of broke even by doing the same things she did last week and will have to do again next week if she thinks about it which she is, at least she told people she loved them and the flowers look nice in the windows.

Published by chambersresidence


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